Rama Moondra

Do not know how much has been written and said about gender differences. Men do not listen is the most common complaint I hear from womenfolk. I think it is a real bliss. That way they do not hold too much inside them. No grudges either for a long time.

 Women are sensitive. My male friends have fixations on reactive nature women have. Because they do listen and store. It also means they please people with small details.

  I think it is more personal than gender specific. I am very good at reading maps. Almost gave complex to my drive companions in Rajasthan in desert area. I forget dates at the drop of hat and keep getting nasty remarks from friends and family.

 On the other side, my male friends remember dates like their death announcement had happened for that day. Crib on smallest possible stuff and sometimes make it impossible to relate to. Some of them are alive because I was afraid of  fourteen long years of imprisonment.

 So, where is the key to be happy? The mutual respect and care of course plays a pivotal role but what makes it worth a million bucks is the understanding that every individual has a personal trait.

 Irrespective of gender, there is a dormant man in every woman and every man has a soft, sensitive woman hidden in him.  I can not shed a tear come what may but have seen strongest of men crying and envied them for this strength.

It is right partnership of any form between two genders that brings out the best creations.The most beautiful connections understand the other person the way one wants to be and give space to blossom a barren land to convert in to flowers ladden garden.

  Love is looking in the same direction, not at each other. Not always atleast.

A recent article In Times attracted me. “Life comes to full cycle,” Says India’s Ace tennis player for another world champion. It is a soul stirring experience sharing of how they stood against each other when the karmic chakra turned out changing positions.

 I heard long ago, “You meet every person twice.” It means whatever you have done to someone, good or bad, comes back to you. May not be from the same but similar for sure.

My visit to passport office proved it so true. I was denied ECNR stamp. “Go to Mumbai or get a State degree”. The woman was upfront. I knew city office could do that here too. “Listen, I have not been a student here,” I can not have a Gujarat Univ. degree.” She looked at me and asked me to leave the queue. Undeterred, I asked for the senior official. I went to his cabin, explained and offered my documents. Instead looking at them, He kept looking at me, almost making me uncomfortable. Meanwhile, my passport went without documents for stamp and I got a coke to drink.  

 “Do you remember giving blood to some hurt fellow who you picked up from road once late night and took to hospital? He was hit and run case.” Nothing related to the basic conversation that was on, I must have displayed bewildered expressions. A quick journey down memory archives, I did. “Yes, almost four years.” “I have not changed much though,” He smiled. Amused and very happy, I shook hands all over again. My passport came back and I got up saying thanks for the favor. It indeed saved me a lot of hassle.

  He smiled back, “I returned one today. It all comes back to you one day.” I walked my way back to car thinking all the good things I am yet to offer to lot of people.

It  will come back to me living a full cycle and one summer afternoon will become a smiling bond of two strangers.

Life has its own style of coaching and it depends on the human beings to take that learning. My relationship with life has made me learn more than usual. I meet new people everyday. I have seen admiration, adoration and pampering. I have seen jealous, hatred and crib always people. I think we all do.

I have clients and friends who are permanently upset. I am sure even god can feel sorry about some of his creations. “How do you remain so cheerful?” I face this question thrice in a week.

To me, it is about an age-old game of Expectations and Possibilities. There is nothing called “unconditional giving”. We all give to get it back and when one does not receive in the same proportion, it pains. Sometime, people do expect everything without investing much and keep blaming their counter parts. If the other person believes in giving a long rope to relations, poor person had it. Some expect unrealistic just because one does not care much and other cannot care less.

 Sure-fire recipe of becoming happy go lucky is the ability to be grateful. It is so important to be thankful. Every day with a new sunray on my face, I smile to life and say thanks to almighty. After all, I get up from a comfortable bed, on my own and can afford to get all luxuries. (Moreover, capacity of buying is relative term). If anything goes my way,I feel great about expextations fulfilled,if not,I deposit that in failed possibility account.

I have learnt that though its bliss to have care and love, even more blissful is to give it back . Some relations will betray, some will die their death and a few will be frozen in archives of time. What makes life going is to meet strangers, be a part of their life, get and give happiness.

That one capacity decides how much life we live in every moment.

I had a funny experience recently. A close friend of mine was surprised to see some comments on his blog from US. He checked back to figure out it was a wrong IP address.Incidentally, he felt it was mischief of his subordinate, who volunteered to market his blog. (No wonder, this word is missing in corporate vocab). If you do a good job and that too with good intentions, you had it.

 Very upset and angry, he expressed his concern. Poor subordinate was speechless once he understood how the boss perceived him. I am sure many bosses at corporate level do this mistake. They just hit it hard without understanding that it may bring unwanted reaction. The junior is now working hard to prove himself innocent. (My heart bleeds for emotional volunteers)

It is fine to put anyone under scanner of doubt but the senior authority has to learn to look at motto. What the junior has to gain except trying to make an impression for next year’s appraisal. I personally believe human race has lost how to believe good intentions and retain  genuine people. As it is a rare breed .

To me, the boss was right to check back with junior.  If you value your intuitions, you must. To me, the junior too has a right to feel bad.It hurts being misunderstood.

Though I think, being questioned does not mean permanent distrust. He may clarify though backed up with data. If the boss values last performances, he will not like to loose a good performer.

Once , head of a big corporate drank limewater out of finger bowl because Austrian guest (had not seen it before) drank it and he followed suit. It is important sometime to value the person than rubbing raw corrections.

To me, intent is always more important than content. Wish all distrusting bosses a little piece of peace with their ownself.

 It pains to see people go. Goodbyes hurt most when you do not get to say them. However, I think, what hurts most is to trust and be cheated.

Why would people cheat? When someone asked me this recently with choked voice and weepy eyes, I did not reply then. Actually cheating is pure definition of someone not behaving the way one should have. Days in and days out, it happens to most of us.

Life plays a game of expectations to keep human race going. If there were no expectations, there could not have been possibilities either. Some break ups are permanent damage. Therefore, someone moving on from a serious relationship may not signify a new beginning always. Someone having tear soaked, painful break up from close relationship may not amend the cracks in crystal vase ever.

“What would have happened if I were not vulnerable? Have I been emotional fool?” I heard it many times in silence recently. How could one prevent oneself from loving someone? How could you not be emotional to your own heart and people who live in that cozy corner?

We all are vulnerable to love and then to let go. Nevertheless, it is worth loving and let go hundred times then  to close your heart and not let it brighten from power of giving. It pains, it hurts and it proves that you are alive. May not be for a new beginning but for own strength of being able to give and breathe afresh.

For all those who have loved and lost, with a silent prayer that you must find your own strength. It is within you just the way once love was.

To uninitiated me, happiness is small package deal. I have walked in hard sunny path of life and have loads of burnt on my feet. So, when I got a call from Vivek this morning, urging to write about ways to be happy I just could not get any thing big to write.

To me, happiness is listening to my six-year-old niece’s non-stop complaints of her teacher, watching Tom and Jerry on a tired day, seeing sunset from my balcony and many little pleasures like these.

 I notice one difference between many people and me. I have reconciled to the fact that all these pleasures may change tomorrow so I celebrate one-day everyday. I look at rainy days and grey clouds and am happy. I watch flock of birds flying back home and feel relaxed. I remain awake on a moonlit night to enjoy tranquility of my surroundings. I would let my sleep go in for a toss just because someone, who I enjoy to be with, may not free tomorrow to spend time as much as it is today. I love the way it is today and I know, life can take it away anytime.

Life is a climb but the view is great and despite I do not see many people around me, I know I am getting on top of the ladder and to be there it has to be ME the way I am.

 To an unseen fan (Vivek, I have put it the way you put yourself .

I could write about strategic relationship management much better. After all, a client vendor kind of relationship never has much complication. But whats the fun writing about  something  you can buy a book and read. So, I would rather write about basics of any relation. I think its mutual respect that determines quality of life.

 I am glad; life does not come with a service manual. Relationships do not have warranty cards. I recently have been part of friend’s life who is reeling under pain of leaving home after his father asked him to. It is difficult for father to give away the business to new generation son who is well informed in client servicing and a tech junkie. Therefore, ideally I should be sad about my friend is suffering. Contrary to that, I am feeling good. He will grow as independent human being now.  The identity crisis he is facing today will settle down in a while. The birth of Phoenix proves that its important to face fire to have a new life.

 Life teaches only hard ways. I have been a student of that way always and have learnt to be what I am today. My comfort with my own self has come from being alone and managing life my ways. I learnt that success is relative term. I learnt that no matter how discomforting it is, I would always have people who can read me as a book despite hardly knowing me. I learnt that all relations have their share of pain and pleasure. That despite I am not a caring person, I have people who care for me immensely. That my brother can get my mindset from a simple “hello” on phone and it surprises as much as it did ten years ago.

 Though not everything what happens may be comforting that time but I believe, ultimately we get what we deserve and not what we desire.The good part is life moves on and that is what makes it worth living. So what if sometime the wine glass has tear drops in it.

Thirty five phone calls and ten sms’s were what I received on my last blog. So, here I am continuing to write on the same topic(though fuelled by readers reactions and demand). One strange call was of Rahul Jain, a businessman from Mumbai who took pains to find my number to call me and asked the most difficult question.”What is your opinion on men? Do you come across some polygamists and passes makers as a globe trotter and professional? Can you write some of your experiences? ”

For once, I was speechless.  I have known men in various forms and no qualms in admitting that I get along better with men in thinking pattern. But today I would share an incident which shook my nerves too( I consider mine of steel . A woman  GM of a good organisation once asked me out for a drink in Bangalore. Over a glass of wine,she told me that she has invited someone. A little later, Mr x joined in. The conversation flew through and soon we were chatting our way on Indian politics, corporate working and so on. After a while,the gentleman asked us to get to his room for dinner. I politely refused saying I was getting late and got up. He held my hand,” You seriously want to go? Why would you have a drink with a man if you don’t want to walk up to his room?” It took me two minutes to reconcile to the fact. My host was holding his waist looking at me. “We have misjudged each other” I said as calmly as I possibly could and left. I walked my way back to my hotel stunned. Does sharing a drink with someone means an invitation?

Next day I took the lady hands on.. She was unruffled at all.” How would I leave my home without you? My hubby? and I thought you are a single, so..” I left that assignment soon after that but this was my first experience of  witnessing  polyandry/polygamy in such a way. Back home,I made a case study of this incident and gave it to my participants of “Behavioral Therapy” .Maximum people felt,it was perfectly fine  to get in to such practice so far it was not known to respective partners.

For my savvy readers..