“hirrr!! New gym ..same place where Goldshield operated. Now great Mumbai chain of a celebrity fitness guru is opening here.” I sighed. Not out of relief but disappointed. How can it be??

Market sensitivity and research is vital before starting any business venture. Any product or service needs to identify itself with market need and then meet it too. This is a tough economy so survival is only of the fittest.

Sounds simple doesn’t it? Yet its so amazing, how many people don’t get it.

A new gym has just opened up where the earlier one shut shop. I do not believe it is a good idea. Why? It was at a disadvantage because it was at a place which has no parking space. Most others do operate in residential and do have parking facility.   If the gym doesn’t have a place to park, how can one patronize business? If parking the vehicle itself  is an exercise then how to get takers for the gym?

So the best thing to do is not to touch such property at all and that too with repeated business failure history in a saturated market with mature competitors.

And after all good businesses need is someone with a bit of common sense but sadly most businessmen are lacking in that skill.

People do not sell profitable businesses, unless of course they are retiring, and expect it to cost a fortune if that is the case. So, unless you are doing something radically different, don’t bother buying a cheap business. It is like catching a bullet at shootout scene.

Over the years I have become a “reader” and proud of my ability to “read” people.  I believe I have an accuracy rate that is somewhere around 80% of judging others. As for the remaining 15% it doesn’t really matter.

They are residents of cookie cutter categories, (all of them behave alike.) I would rather appear illiterate. Oops…got my math’s wrong…Remaining 5%? Well, those are the ones; I am bonded to emotionally (Read Blinkered.)

So those 80% are shaping my life everyday and every way..oops..typo again.” Their way” if it works.

Some of them are travel agents and send me on guilt trip (free of cost! Mind you).Some people are Frenemies. Friends who are disguised enemies. Continuously proving them right and me wrong.

The third ones are difficult souls. (As if the first two were easy?) Perennially unhappy and trying to be perfect, a sense of pride engulfs them always. “Acquired Reformist” I call them. They try desperately to seek attention and  that too  by pure criticism. Sometimes even without getting any detail about the topics mentioned.

Well, I did not mean to denounce any types. They are colorful and leave indelible marks on my life everyday in some form.

As they say, “variety is the spice of life” and different characteristics are just another spice.  Though sometimes it’s like Coriander on a dish. Does not make a difference if it’s not there but added up, may enhance flavor. So, otherwise mundane life is better with these people and they sure add new dimensions of human psyche  to my training sessions.

So, I might grit my teeth, keep my patience by fake smiles and sometimes hurt, the fact remains intact that all kind of  people are flavor enhancer and I will be kind of lost without them.

Let’s go step by step. Today, we will discuss the first one.

Create a positive reinforcement- Start counting everything  which is good in your life. While doing this exercise, keep a paper and pen handy.  Write positives. Do not write any sentence with, “But, If, Just, Honestly.”

Just to caution you, you might time and again revisit things which are not so good in your life. Remember not to get drawn into that bend of river. Its only a downward spiral if you give up.

Your paper might look like this, “I have a good job. I have supporting spouse.”

What it should not read, “I have a good job but real bad boss.I have occasionally supporting spouse but wished someone else to be her/him.”

Nah! That’s not positive reinforcement.

Am I asking you to write imaginary stuff? No…Not at all. It’s all about focusing your entire positive energies and building them together to create a reinforcement that’s everlasting happiness, not forcefully created euphoria.

So, once you have done this in isolation, read the paper. It has tremendous power of uplifting otherwise sagging spirit.

Second Strategy on Emotional Sustenance? As always…come back to this place tomorrow.

The word I fancy a lot is called Emotional Sustenance. This is a theory based on what is right in your life versus what is wrong. I meet a lot of people every day. Loads of counseling, trainings and coaching keeps my hands full. I always encounter both sides of coin. Its mind boggling to see how weak and timid people are when it comes to Sustenance.

Our lives are so much governed by the conversations we have with others. Either they are good or bad, positive or negative, angry or happy. The list is endless.

So what creates Emotional Sustenance?  A basic understanding of evaluating life with positives will create the feeling of worth.

We all need to belong. To someone, somewhere. We cling, we hold, we let go. Emotions all around us but hardly sustainable.

Every action has an equal or opposite reaction. We all know that. Every interaction has the same detailing. You are praised, you are emotionally charged. You are dumped, emotionally drained out. Both situations are equally powerful.

Your emotional sustenance will always be powerful if you do not let anyone overshadow it. How do people overpower it? One simple step is to scare you off by withdrawing emotional support. Someone giving you a feeling that you are not needed anymore in their life.

It immediately saps your energy and leaves you feeling unwanted. You succumb to it so much that a faint realization too does not happen. The realization that your demand is over with this person, not with the world.

People are created or destroyed just by giving or withdrawing support of emotions. Think if you have a nagging boss, quarrelling spouse, dissatisfied sex life, will your emotions be the same as in the case of this all being positive.

So, how to keep your sustenance high and keep building it over? More on this tomorrow.

Be with me.

I was waiting for this mail ever since. My mailbox was full of mails about Capt Sandeep Sharma. Amandeep,my curious and treasured reader wanted to know the other side of story too. I had no clue how to get it though I really wanted to. So the first person came to my mind was Aditya Khanna, my friend and owner of a background verification company.

Here is a copy, paste  version of Aditya’s mail to me.

“Dear Rama,

Its heart wrenching to see Sandeep’s position. I met his father in law who also does not want to share where his daughter is. Sandeep has undergone treatment as well as police records verified his case well illustrated.

What he did not tell you that he let Poonam go after she was caught by police. He told everyone and you too that he did not have resources or energy left to fight for justice.

Sandeep came to know that Poonam was pregnant and Nishith was her boyfriend from college days. Her father hated Nishith for his weird habits and love of reptiles. Poonam is married to him and is in Australia. Sandeep withdrew all charges against her.” Aditya.

My silence was deep inside that night. Sitting in beautiful Japanese restaurant of O hotel in Pune, I kept thinking of Sandeep despite having an old friend to talk to. My call was late night at 11.30 to Sandeep. “I got this report and just wanted to know why did you do that? Is it forgiving?”

Sandeep’s silence was verbose. Long spell of silence broke with his husky voice. “I got her DNA done once I got her back. The child was mine, not of Nishith. But I was crippled, jobless. Do you think, I could manage a family? Will I ever forgive her if she came back? Nishith will be great father and a part of me will live always. I know, nobody will understand me but now that you know, I hope you do.”

Right or wrong, I am no one to judge but to me, it was most logical decision made.

To a fond reader Amandeep Singh Soni for instigating me to find more details.

A new series of Emotional Development begins tomorrow. See you same place again.

Next Morning was a bit heavy on heart for him. Though he reminded the woman to let the reptiles go, he was not feeling assured at all.

Sandeep searched for the box of reptiles in her cupboard while she was in shower. No sign of those creepiest crawlies anywhere, he sighed in relief.

That night after basking in glory of marital bliss and great home cooked food, Sandeep was fast asleep. “I never felt so sleepy and tired but that night it was getting impossible to keep my eyes open.” He said.

Late night, the clock must have struck 2 am. Sleepy, heavy in head and sensing some discomfort on his body, Sandeep woke up to the night of horror. At least a dozen of reptiles were on his legs and crawling towards him. Some of them were on the bed too. He was alone on bed and the room. Trying his best to shout, he realized that his shouts were voiceless. He was shouting but could not hear himself.  Though he was trying to throw the creepers but unable to get up. Was it a nightmare? Was it happening in reality? His throat was dry and head was spinning. Hazy and unclear, he tried collecting himself. Why the cough syrup tasted awful? Why she insisted even when he was not coughing.

Suddenly the fact dawned on his half conscious brain. He was drugged. His body was unable to move but his mind, though hazy, was registering incidents around.

He fell unconscious. Next morning, his maid discovered him on the floor. No signs of reptiles or even the lady. All the ornaments, expensive household stuff and she herself were missing. The home looked ransacked and looted mercilessly.

It’s a miracle that Sandeep survived despite being venom infected and drugged. His body is half paralyzed now. Once upon a time, an army officer is reduced to a mere physically challenged person on a wheel chair.

My numbness could be excused. Vikrant could see me absolutely distorted. Worried, he texted but I was unable to move myself. Trying to pretend normal, I politely declined the offer to eat. The last part of this nerve wrecking story was pending still…Why did she do it to him? Where is she?

This is yet to come tomorrow in the last post.

I kept getting calls from an unknown reader of Udaipur. Capt. Sandeep Sharma was following me to come and be his guest. “Your all stories so far are going to take a beating after you hear mine.” He said repetitively.

So, one fine day, amidst my busy, hectic routine, I planned the trip. The idea was to have dinner with him and leave late night to be able to catch up with work next day. I was sure not to be alone in City of Lakes so I called up Vikrant and he was at Udaipur before I reached. Friends are the best blessing in one’s life and I am the real blessed one.

The steward led me to dinner table which was pre-booked. Vikrant happily spaced himself on another table ordering himself a big plate of tikka and some beer.

I waited patiently for half hour and then started getting restless. Sandeep’s phone was unanswered.” Someone fooled me.” I sent a text to Vikrant and we kept chatting from tables next to each other.

“Hi Ma’am!” I stood quickly looking up  but went numb and quiet for a while. The stern, strong voice had no resemblance with the person on wheel chair. “Thanks for coming. You know now I could not have.” Sandeep has sad, very sad eyes. Sober, gentle and pain smeared on his face like black ink, Sandeep gave me a feeling of heaviness in my heart. His story actually fails Bollywood tales of horror and grime. I am going to finish it in three posts. You have to be with me, my dear reader…

Sandeep got married to his childhood sweetheart with fanfare and royalty. It could have been happily ever after type but fate had something else in store.

Life took a different turn altogether one night when Sandeep found out his wife’s hobby was keeping pet snakes. Stumbling on a box full of snakes in her cupboard was horrifying. Petrified and angry…he asked her to leave all three captive snakes immediately. The lady shamefacedly agreed . Next day before leaving for work Sandeep asked her plans of leaving those reptiles. She promised a call to Wildlife Association or Zoo and do the needful.

More on this tomorrow. Be with me please.

Let me share a personal example. I have been stretching myself in yoga every day. Doing lunges and stretching on knees is harsh and I reeled under severe pain for that. My dance classes did not suffer because of that though. I had to apply painkiller ointment and do warm ups as well but still went to dancing. It pained even further. Anyways, I was up and ready for yoga classes next morning at six a.m.

What happened? I just pushed myself hard to achieve what I wanted to do. It’s just that I do not punish myself for being limp in knees or even a burnt comment from my yoga partner, ” I can do it five sets, you cannot. You have a problematic knee.” Those hard words once pierced through but my self- security is too high to be impacted. I did not even give a damn to his words. I hear a lot on my limping so I am now used to it. If I let it affect me, maybe I will cry every night.

People, who you are nice and kind to, may hurt you . It’s their insecurity. It does not need to deter you. Trust me, the amount of people I have lost in life, I should have a personal cemetery of relationships by now. Some of them are with god, some are destiny’s choice but some just happened to be pure rude and ill-meaning. What do I do about them? Forgave and forgot the third category. I do not look into mirror to see a person who is self pitied and blaming.

So, measure yourself by what do you think of yourself. Not by what others try to de-motivate you from. If someone stops talking to you, looks down on you, demotivated you from achievements, just stop measuring yourself against them. They are confidence-suckers and will leech you only if you allow them to.

Take a paper and write all good things about yourself. It boosts morale. Sure-fire technique.

Listen, I do not mean that you just become overconfident and stop listening to people at all but do not judge only by them. You are a capable person and it’s you whose self awareness matters the most. People will and have always played games against each other and that is life. If you are secure and confident only then people will believe you. It’s like bank account. You cannot take out anything if you have not deposited.

Look yourself into mirror and say, “I am the best.” Trust me; you are if you think you are.

In my opinion, lot of parents and families play a game on their children especially in their formative years. The game changes shape once the child is adolescent and beyond but it continues, no matter what.

This game is called, “Emotional Blackmail!” wrapped in beautiful gift papers of love laced with high pressure performances and expected to be the best child ever born to mother earth. Most parents want the child to become either what they could not or exact replica.

Sounds harsh? I know. We are so conditioned to see it only as obedience that a truth which may bind, can look like rebellion streak.

.A country like India, which does not have any govt supported network of security, social security is our safety net.

I personally believe family brings in tremendous amount of security system though there is cost attached to everything. There are no free lunches in this world.

As one of my readers Pankaj Bhimani puts it, “security comes from trust and the level of trust we set in the air, more security felt by one. If the person is not opening or what we call person has not “WITHIN” ….It can be found by openness and trust.  I guess “setting up trust level” is one of the efforts to be put in.”

The family bonds can only make you feel secure and vice-versa when trust of every member is high on the relationships. Else it may become a draining impact and can shape an individual coming from deep insecurity and warding off all good relationships as one grows seeing abuses. This person may abuse relationships or may be too scared of good things happening to one. That person has been made believe that he does not deserve it.

Another level of insecurity is personal ability measures. We will talk about it tomorrow.

Be with me. As always..

I believe that life always gives you what you ask for .This faith got one more affirmation when I got an invitation from my bank ICICI Wealth management div for a special screening of Marathi Movie, Dhoosar along with a meeting with Amol Palekar who has directed the movie.

The young days came alive again in front of my eyes. Amol has been my favorite actor ever since I watched Rajnigandha. Loved him in Choti sii baat and Golmal was just awesome.

I sat right in front of him and our eyes met more because, forgetting all my etiquette, I kept staring at him. He looked again; I got up shaking hands with him.” If you think, I am staring at you, that’s exactly what I am doing. The reason I am here is to see you.” I smiled and handed over a pen drive to him. He smiled back, “What’s this?” I explained his first role in a television serial of just one appearance and I had that recording.

Amol touched my shoulder fondly,” I did not have it myself. How to thank you?” I said his dialogue to him from movie Baton baton mein, “Just a smile would do.” We both smiled.

The Sunday morning was amazing to be able to converse and feel that warmth of my faith that I can get all my dues in this life. That is exactly what I want my life to look like.

Thanks to Nitin Walia once again for inviting in and giving back a slice of my youth and an opportunity to meet my secret crush as well.