Rama Moondra

A recent article In Times attracted me. “Life comes to full cycle,” Says India’s Ace tennis player for another world champion. It is a soul stirring experience sharing of how they stood against each other when the karmic chakra turned out changing positions.

 I heard long ago, “You meet every person twice.” It means whatever you have done to someone, good or bad, comes back to you. May not be from the same but similar for sure.

My visit to passport office proved it so true. I was denied ECNR stamp. “Go to Mumbai or get a State degree”. The woman was upfront. I knew city office could do that here too. “Listen, I have not been a student here,” I can not have a Gujarat Univ. degree.” She looked at me and asked me to leave the queue. Undeterred, I asked for the senior official. I went to his cabin, explained and offered my documents. Instead looking at them, He kept looking at me, almost making me uncomfortable. Meanwhile, my passport went without documents for stamp and I got a coke to drink.  

 “Do you remember giving blood to some hurt fellow who you picked up from road once late night and took to hospital? He was hit and run case.” Nothing related to the basic conversation that was on, I must have displayed bewildered expressions. A quick journey down memory archives, I did. “Yes, almost four years.” “I have not changed much though,” He smiled. Amused and very happy, I shook hands all over again. My passport came back and I got up saying thanks for the favor. It indeed saved me a lot of hassle.

  He smiled back, “I returned one today. It all comes back to you one day.” I walked my way back to car thinking all the good things I am yet to offer to lot of people.

It  will come back to me living a full cycle and one summer afternoon will become a smiling bond of two strangers.

Life has its own style of coaching and it depends on the human beings to take that learning. My relationship with life has made me learn more than usual. I meet new people everyday. I have seen admiration, adoration and pampering. I have seen jealous, hatred and crib always people. I think we all do.

I have clients and friends who are permanently upset. I am sure even god can feel sorry about some of his creations. “How do you remain so cheerful?” I face this question thrice in a week.

To me, it is about an age-old game of Expectations and Possibilities. There is nothing called “unconditional giving”. We all give to get it back and when one does not receive in the same proportion, it pains. Sometime, people do expect everything without investing much and keep blaming their counter parts. If the other person believes in giving a long rope to relations, poor person had it. Some expect unrealistic just because one does not care much and other cannot care less.

 Sure-fire recipe of becoming happy go lucky is the ability to be grateful. It is so important to be thankful. Every day with a new sunray on my face, I smile to life and say thanks to almighty. After all, I get up from a comfortable bed, on my own and can afford to get all luxuries. (Moreover, capacity of buying is relative term). If anything goes my way,I feel great about expextations fulfilled,if not,I deposit that in failed possibility account.

I have learnt that though its bliss to have care and love, even more blissful is to give it back . Some relations will betray, some will die their death and a few will be frozen in archives of time. What makes life going is to meet strangers, be a part of their life, get and give happiness.

That one capacity decides how much life we live in every moment.

I had a funny experience recently. A close friend of mine was surprised to see some comments on his blog from US. He checked back to figure out it was a wrong IP address.Incidentally, he felt it was mischief of his subordinate, who volunteered to market his blog. (No wonder, this word is missing in corporate vocab). If you do a good job and that too with good intentions, you had it.

 Very upset and angry, he expressed his concern. Poor subordinate was speechless once he understood how the boss perceived him. I am sure many bosses at corporate level do this mistake. They just hit it hard without understanding that it may bring unwanted reaction. The junior is now working hard to prove himself innocent. (My heart bleeds for emotional volunteers)

It is fine to put anyone under scanner of doubt but the senior authority has to learn to look at motto. What the junior has to gain except trying to make an impression for next year’s appraisal. I personally believe human race has lost how to believe good intentions and retain  genuine people. As it is a rare breed .

To me, the boss was right to check back with junior.  If you value your intuitions, you must. To me, the junior too has a right to feel bad.It hurts being misunderstood.

Though I think, being questioned does not mean permanent distrust. He may clarify though backed up with data. If the boss values last performances, he will not like to loose a good performer.

Once , head of a big corporate drank limewater out of finger bowl because Austrian guest (had not seen it before) drank it and he followed suit. It is important sometime to value the person than rubbing raw corrections.

To me, intent is always more important than content. Wish all distrusting bosses a little piece of peace with their ownself.

 I may feel like writing oodles on this subject but that will be too textual. Therefore, I would rather concentrate on applicability in everyday corporate function. 

Dealing with uncertainty, moving from ignorance to knowledge, is the focus of cognitive process. My major challenge as a capacity builder is that people do not want to grow and recognize their cognitive reasoning.

 Let us look at a simple example; a close friend of mine is going through a painful patch. He tried leaving his home thrice, been upset with his father’s behavior terribly and went back every time. Very angry with self and others, he reeled under loosing everything despite his soul belonged there. He felt like a little kid on a busy street without parents and ran back. He still is unhappy.  Now unknowingly, with every little possibility that could take him back, he availed it.

Unable to reason, “No matter how hard you try to please, some people would never want you the way you want”. Now he is dealing with uncertainty but refuse to move on from ignorance to knowledge.

 Why accepting ignorance is difficult?  Most of us do not think and the routine, mundane jobs do not allow us to do so. Surprisingly we do not realize it either. Hiding behind a façade,” I did not understand it then” One of the challenges of cognitive reasoning is ability to accept whatever happens around us, just the way it is. It soothes later though may irritate to begin with.

However, exceptions are around.  My boss’s cognitive reasoning is moving on from old patterns. He believes Alcohol should be sold in tetra packs. ” Nasha sharab me nahi hai toh bhi kya, No risk taking business”

 Corporate Definition: Reasoning is ability to get a reason for everything.

 It pains to see people go. Goodbyes hurt most when you do not get to say them. However, I think, what hurts most is to trust and be cheated.

Why would people cheat? When someone asked me this recently with choked voice and weepy eyes, I did not reply then. Actually cheating is pure definition of someone not behaving the way one should have. Days in and days out, it happens to most of us.

Life plays a game of expectations to keep human race going. If there were no expectations, there could not have been possibilities either. Some break ups are permanent damage. Therefore, someone moving on from a serious relationship may not signify a new beginning always. Someone having tear soaked, painful break up from close relationship may not amend the cracks in crystal vase ever.

“What would have happened if I were not vulnerable? Have I been emotional fool?” I heard it many times in silence recently. How could one prevent oneself from loving someone? How could you not be emotional to your own heart and people who live in that cozy corner?

We all are vulnerable to love and then to let go. Nevertheless, it is worth loving and let go hundred times then  to close your heart and not let it brighten from power of giving. It pains, it hurts and it proves that you are alive. May not be for a new beginning but for own strength of being able to give and breathe afresh.

For all those who have loved and lost, with a silent prayer that you must find your own strength. It is within you just the way once love was.

To uninitiated me, happiness is small package deal. I have walked in hard sunny path of life and have loads of burnt on my feet. So, when I got a call from Vivek this morning, urging to write about ways to be happy I just could not get any thing big to write.

To me, happiness is listening to my six-year-old niece’s non-stop complaints of her teacher, watching Tom and Jerry on a tired day, seeing sunset from my balcony and many little pleasures like these.

 I notice one difference between many people and me. I have reconciled to the fact that all these pleasures may change tomorrow so I celebrate one-day everyday. I look at rainy days and grey clouds and am happy. I watch flock of birds flying back home and feel relaxed. I remain awake on a moonlit night to enjoy tranquility of my surroundings. I would let my sleep go in for a toss just because someone, who I enjoy to be with, may not free tomorrow to spend time as much as it is today. I love the way it is today and I know, life can take it away anytime.

Life is a climb but the view is great and despite I do not see many people around me, I know I am getting on top of the ladder and to be there it has to be ME the way I am.

 To an unseen fan (Vivek, I have put it the way you put yourself .

“Do you really think you are intuitive”? My boss is amazing with his straight questions, but this one was out of blue and hit the same way. I always thought that I was. Actually, when I read’ Tipping Point ‘by Gladwell and kind of related to it, I felt I was N type. Then followed “Fooled by randomness” by Nicholas Taleb and I certified my self fulfilling prophecy of intuitive me.

So, when I faced this” up in your face” (my beloved Mills and Boon chaap Boss is known for it), I thought for a while which lasted 24 hours.

What is the difference between high intuitive and high logic people?  I logicise everything and so am admired by clients for right decisions most of the times. In recruitment panel, even when I conduct a psychometric profile of interviewee, I by heart know what it would look like. Where does that come from? I asked myself. It comes from repetitive pattern too but people are different despite behaving alike. Therefore, why do I get strong hunch about someone. It is more intuitions, m sure. However, I never speak it. I need data to back it up and there comes logicising. I know, most of my personal decisions are pure from heart and I have hurt myself  sometime.

Matter of fact remains the same. Like me, I am sure thousands of people are more intuitive but do not know or admit it. Sometime being ridiculed and sometime to make others believe, one needs strong support of data.

 Once again,thin slicing of thoughts converting into facts and figures. After all,its sure fire combination.