Rama Moondra

The movie may have attracted mixed response at theatres but overall delivers a great message. I believe that anything or everything has a message but it depends on us, when and how we take it.

I liked the movie for two basic reasons. One that I like both leads i.e. Deepika and Neil but second reason is more obvious and pertinent. The way love has been projected in the movie is beautiful.

Two scenes that caught my attention had a silent but painful demonstration of love and guilt of a male counterpart. Deepika becomes blind because of Neil’s mistake. She tries to walk without support, gets rejected by her dance partner and from the world too. Trying to learn to walk without any support and blind, she keeps falling and hurting herself. Neil silently stands behind her and bitten by guilt, he tries to catch but resists every time. His guilt and helplessness is projected very well.

Second time, a seasoned skate dancer, Deepika, hurt by reality that Neil was the reason, decides to perform alone on stage which was supposed to be a duet. It was her biggest exam in a way. She starts, moves flawlessly but since solo is not counted, just when she was about to be rejected, Neil enters. Swiftly, he glides next to her. Not holding her even if it was meant to be, not touching her, not consoling her, not even giving a hint of his presence, he shadows her.

She realizes his presence and the dance of love is complete then. They win as love always does.

Sometimes, even when we think, love has left us wounded and alone, all it needs is a little re-assurance of the other person’s shadow. It makes a difference to know that you make a difference in some one’s world.

Today’s blog is for struggle and victories, to hope and belief and to life once again.

Let life happen to you .Just feel it.

Today, it’s raining cats and dogs in my city. Back home after six days, it feels good though still it sends a shiver down my spine. Seen a friend suffering very badly and almost nearing fatal end, she survived back.

Doory lane of my memory archives opens up a closed curtain today. A black silk satin curtain of not so rosy memory of a rainy evening. Back in 2005, I was walking back home in London. Canary wharf is a beautiful area near Thames River and I have been lucky to be able to stay there. Suddenly, I heard a faint cry. Turned around to see but could not locate anyone. It was getting dark and covered by famous London smog (smoke and fog), I increased my speed. The faint cry was louder this time. I could not avoid the sound. Looked around in nearby bushes this time to be shocked and awestruck. A newborn baby was kept. Still alive and struggling.

I picked up the child, shocked; I shouted aloud ” Whose baby is this?” My shouts went unanswered.  I just was not able to believe, it is a country where single motherhood though looked down upon, is still not condemned. Why would someone leave a newborn child in such a weather to die?

My hands slipped through the baby and I shivered. The umbilical cord was freshly cut may be. I rushed as fast as possible carrying the baby to the nearby hospital. It took me half hour to complete entire walk and though I tried to reach the hospital in time, I was late. God called the baby back to him. May be the world would have been too cruel to little one.

I took a long time to let this incident go of my system. Sometimes, some memories leave permanent scars even if time is best healer. A recent incident has triggered a lot again and my heart blesses all those unborn who do not see this merciless world.

This is dedicated to all those fathers who disown a would be mother, forgetting that it takes two to make a baby and having an illegitimate child is not only woman’s fault.

 I listen to my heart more than my head.True! I mean it. Long ago, I realized, I am more emotional and less logical. (Though I know, if my boss reads it, he would disagree) Being emotional gave me a lot of anger and resentment too but emotions make the world a better place to live. They penetrate me through various means. A drop of tear on someone else’s cheeks, A cute child meeting first time in a shop and making friends with me, A blind girl marrying another physically challenged person, A rain-filled weekend and missing my loved ones, the last friend in the town migrating leaving a feeling of dullness, the list is endless.

With life showering rain and sunshine with shades of grey and gold interwoven, I have grown up as a mature woman outside. In this materialistic world out liars, white liars and cheaters are in abundance, insensitive people and advantage taking in name of charity and breaking my trust is a routine, I still have managed to keep a portion of my heart intact, not immune though I wished it to be so.

I have given money to people knowing it would never come back, I help people who cheat and I have been good to many who in turn have embarrassed me. But I still continue to be same. “Why” -Because, I do not want a single genuine person getting crucified because other nine betrayed. I think it is sin to do so.

 And life has ways to pay back. I have been blessed by great assignments, loving family and friends in every corner of world but what makes it worth listening from heart is, I have received help from unbelievable sources just when I needed,. Every time when a dark corner lights up, I know a prayer is answered. Someone somewhere has prayed for a loved one.

 And god listens from heart to heart just as love does.

Standing in my verandah, I felt raindrops falling on my open palms. I travelled back in time zone.

 I still remember running out from my home to pouring sky as a child. My mother would be scared of me slipping and breaking my bones. Don’t think it ever occurred to me as danger ever in those days. My friend and next door neighbor Jessica used to get freshly baked banana loaf and under a pouring tree, for years together we sat and ate trying to save it from raindrops.  Like many children, I too made paper boats and prayed for them not to sink before Joyen and Jessica’s boats.

  Life has moved on and made me the person I am  today.  I am a grown up,successful  professional now.

Surprisingly, I still stop by a bakery sometime to feel the fresh aroma of banana loaf on a rainy day.

I broke my bones badly but not to rainy evening. It does not sound dangerous even now. I know how it feels.

And I still pray for my boat to sail through life. The only thing different now, the boat is of glass. Fragile but immune to disturbing winds and rainstorm.

So this evening, when a friend whose car was running on his dreams and Maruti’s goodwill without fuel, asked me to pray for him to reach safely, I did. I knew his would be heard ,not mine. Mine was”" Wish I could still go back to the paper boat days. Glass boat is scary.”"

Long ago, I read somewhere.”It’s never too late to seek a newer world.” Today, when my heart is under a painful clout of losing two very special people, this quote is even more relevant.

We all grieve on loss.  Whether humans or materialistic possessions, attachment is our pride possession. It may sound another philosophical sermon but if I go to treasure trove of my memories, it falls in place. Our attachment of retaining a special thing or person is so much that we stop seeing beyond it.

Sometimes, we do not even realize that the relationship was long gone. It was out of our life the day that person decided to move on. Mental distance from a person should be good enough signal to figure out but we develop a slavish devotion. Especially if the person involved is close to one’s heart. If my ex boss decides to quit mid way of life’s journey or Nick opening his air belt in mid of the jump..does not matter. They moved on much before saying  “I Quit.”

So, what should be the way out?  Man, my dear friend, sent me a mail sharing my grief; some of his thoughts are mixed with mine.

Along the lines somewhere I have chosen to believe that the ones we love never leave us. They reside in our heart, in a special place, that cannot change.  No matter what the distance.  Ahmedabad to London… or this world to the other. DISTANCE DOES NOT MATTER. As long as we do not let it matter.  The moment we believe that they are GONE from our lives, we make that distance count.

At another level – grief – yes…. because I would not be able to seek and enjoy their physical proximity – voice, smile, touch as and when we have the chance to meet and greet.  It has ended and there my grief ends because I know; every beginning has an end too.

Does that sound too far-fetched? Maybe it is.  Maybe it is not.

It was unusual of Bernie, my friend from London days to call up at middle of night. “A muffed voice was on the other side.” Our Nick is no more. We lost him in air jump”…I just could not figure out what it meant. I had lost my precious, now ex, boss a day before to destiny and  just twenty four hours.

“You are drunk. It can’t be our Nick.” But by that time my heart had lost its beat and faith .Nick is no more. Sitting quiet, my memories did not leave my heart alone. Nick named me “Marble Princess.”  My first scuba dive had left a major cut on my feet and bleeding through it, I continued my swim. Some who does not cry was marble according to him.

 Nick was my adventure sports coach and became a great pal after that. I would just keep pulling his legs for having new girlfriend every time. “A man’s heart is too big for one woman alone.” He would laugh out. My trips to Europe were incomplete without meeting him. We travelled miles at times to be at a common place just for a few hours, share our sides of world and wine.

Little did I know when I met him recently, I would never see him again. Life gives us rudest shocks. Just when you feel, you have all your priceless possessions of friends and loved ones in place, they go away. Without giving a chance at times to express, to celebrate, to regret, to clarify. All that is left, unsaid stories and expressions with a sense of void which can’t be filled. Remorse untold.

 Human beings are irreplaceable and so are some relations. They are just too special. How I wish, I could recreate some part of my life and ask some people to stay back at any cost.

Right now, when I am physically down with high fever and painful foot, Nick’s first coaching comes to hold my hand, “The intensity of pain is decided by your reaction to it. Make friends with pain. That’s only truth we live with.”

Nick, I will live with your loss and my other friends too. I have made friends with it.

On my knees, in front of god almighty, with tears in my prayers I bid goodbye to departed ones. After a long time, these words are dedicated to my ex boss and Nick. Two people, whose memories are now part of my internal and spiritual wealth,

May peace prevails.

Do not know how much has been written and said about gender differences. Men do not listen is the most common complaint I hear from womenfolk. I think it is a real bliss. That way they do not hold too much inside them. No grudges either for a long time.

 Women are sensitive. My male friends have fixations on reactive nature women have. Because they do listen and store. It also means they please people with small details.

  I think it is more personal than gender specific. I am very good at reading maps. Almost gave complex to my drive companions in Rajasthan in desert area. I forget dates at the drop of hat and keep getting nasty remarks from friends and family.

 On the other side, my male friends remember dates like their death announcement had happened for that day. Crib on smallest possible stuff and sometimes make it impossible to relate to. Some of them are alive because I was afraid of  fourteen long years of imprisonment.

 So, where is the key to be happy? The mutual respect and care of course plays a pivotal role but what makes it worth a million bucks is the understanding that every individual has a personal trait.

 Irrespective of gender, there is a dormant man in every woman and every man has a soft, sensitive woman hidden in him.  I can not shed a tear come what may but have seen strongest of men crying and envied them for this strength.

It is right partnership of any form between two genders that brings out the best creations.The most beautiful connections understand the other person the way one wants to be and give space to blossom a barren land to convert in to flowers ladden garden.

  Love is looking in the same direction, not at each other. Not always atleast.

A recent article In Times attracted me. “Life comes to full cycle,” Says India’s Ace tennis player for another world champion. It is a soul stirring experience sharing of how they stood against each other when the karmic chakra turned out changing positions.

 I heard long ago, “You meet every person twice.” It means whatever you have done to someone, good or bad, comes back to you. May not be from the same but similar for sure.

My visit to passport office proved it so true. I was denied ECNR stamp. “Go to Mumbai or get a State degree”. The woman was upfront. I knew city office could do that here too. “Listen, I have not been a student here,” I can not have a Gujarat Univ. degree.” She looked at me and asked me to leave the queue. Undeterred, I asked for the senior official. I went to his cabin, explained and offered my documents. Instead looking at them, He kept looking at me, almost making me uncomfortable. Meanwhile, my passport went without documents for stamp and I got a coke to drink.  

 “Do you remember giving blood to some hurt fellow who you picked up from road once late night and took to hospital? He was hit and run case.” Nothing related to the basic conversation that was on, I must have displayed bewildered expressions. A quick journey down memory archives, I did. “Yes, almost four years.” “I have not changed much though,” He smiled. Amused and very happy, I shook hands all over again. My passport came back and I got up saying thanks for the favor. It indeed saved me a lot of hassle.

  He smiled back, “I returned one today. It all comes back to you one day.” I walked my way back to car thinking all the good things I am yet to offer to lot of people.

It  will come back to me living a full cycle and one summer afternoon will become a smiling bond of two strangers.

Life has its own style of coaching and it depends on the human beings to take that learning. My relationship with life has made me learn more than usual. I meet new people everyday. I have seen admiration, adoration and pampering. I have seen jealous, hatred and crib always people. I think we all do.

I have clients and friends who are permanently upset. I am sure even god can feel sorry about some of his creations. “How do you remain so cheerful?” I face this question thrice in a week.

To me, it is about an age-old game of Expectations and Possibilities. There is nothing called “unconditional giving”. We all give to get it back and when one does not receive in the same proportion, it pains. Sometime, people do expect everything without investing much and keep blaming their counter parts. If the other person believes in giving a long rope to relations, poor person had it. Some expect unrealistic just because one does not care much and other cannot care less.

 Sure-fire recipe of becoming happy go lucky is the ability to be grateful. It is so important to be thankful. Every day with a new sunray on my face, I smile to life and say thanks to almighty. After all, I get up from a comfortable bed, on my own and can afford to get all luxuries. (Moreover, capacity of buying is relative term). If anything goes my way,I feel great about expextations fulfilled,if not,I deposit that in failed possibility account.

I have learnt that though its bliss to have care and love, even more blissful is to give it back . Some relations will betray, some will die their death and a few will be frozen in archives of time. What makes life going is to meet strangers, be a part of their life, get and give happiness.

That one capacity decides how much life we live in every moment.

I had a funny experience recently. A close friend of mine was surprised to see some comments on his blog from US. He checked back to figure out it was a wrong IP address.Incidentally, he felt it was mischief of his subordinate, who volunteered to market his blog. (No wonder, this word is missing in corporate vocab). If you do a good job and that too with good intentions, you had it.

 Very upset and angry, he expressed his concern. Poor subordinate was speechless once he understood how the boss perceived him. I am sure many bosses at corporate level do this mistake. They just hit it hard without understanding that it may bring unwanted reaction. The junior is now working hard to prove himself innocent. (My heart bleeds for emotional volunteers)

It is fine to put anyone under scanner of doubt but the senior authority has to learn to look at motto. What the junior has to gain except trying to make an impression for next year’s appraisal. I personally believe human race has lost how to believe good intentions and retain  genuine people. As it is a rare breed .

To me, the boss was right to check back with junior.  If you value your intuitions, you must. To me, the junior too has a right to feel bad.It hurts being misunderstood.

Though I think, being questioned does not mean permanent distrust. He may clarify though backed up with data. If the boss values last performances, he will not like to loose a good performer.

Once , head of a big corporate drank limewater out of finger bowl because Austrian guest (had not seen it before) drank it and he followed suit. It is important sometime to value the person than rubbing raw corrections.

To me, intent is always more important than content. Wish all distrusting bosses a little piece of peace with their ownself.