Rama Moondra

Today onwards we will concentrate on our feelings and observe them when any obstacle comes. What is the first feeling when you are scared? Do you feel, you cannot do what is expected? An invisible hand comes and stops you? Someone inside you takes away your hydrated soul and now you are very thirsty? Running away in comfort zone is only option left to overcome this emotional roller-coaster?

Wait and breathe…One step ahead now. First key of unlocking fear.

Get Clear Picture, No Perception – Is your fear larger than life really or is just seems so? Planning a leave and cannot walk in to boss’s cabin because he seems in bad mood? No fear needed, it’s just timings.

Want to become a public speaker but really scared of stage? C’mon, you cannot be scared of non-living beings at least. Fear of forgetting speech and people laughing may rule your mind this time.

Let’s replace this one too. If your mind says, “what if people laugh?”

You are going to repeat, ” So what? It takes quite a talent to make people laugh.”

Trust me, I am a public speaker and that’s what I have done to myself. Fear rules our mind only as much we allow it to do so. Your most fears are imaginary ,no reality is involved there. They are only in your mind creating slow down and scared person you see in the mirror.

To get accurate judgment of your fear, think what you would do if you were not afraid and it will work out instantly. Overcoming fear happens slowly and works deep within. Taking help of a councilor or a good friend may help too. It does work wonders to get your reflections from someone who understands you.

Take first leap. Do something new today .Break that unseen chain which already is rotten. Freedom is tremendous power. Experience it.

Tomorrow we will work on second key to unlock fear. Be here.

“Great love and great achievements involve greater risk.”
~ His Holiness the 14^th Dalai Lama

How the concept of playing it safe makes many people choose being miserable over being happy. We all are scared of two things. Failure and Pain. We do not want to experience either of them or repeat occurrence.

Well, let’s look at it this way, we loved someone and we give every ounce of being to that relationship. Things went well for a while but then something happens and the relation vaporizes hurting. We feel crushed and decide that we will never again allow ourselves to be so vulnerable. So whenever we meet someone new, we remember that painful experience and bring it into the new relationship.

Same formulae apply in making career choices. We turn up doing something for living that  otherwise would not have if we were not afraid. That explains why most of us are job seekers and not job creators. To have a life what makes us happy, we need to step out of comfort zone and confront our fears.

So, what scares you the most? One major finding of human behavior has been, calling someone you wanted and not doing as one is afraid of rejection. It may mean a business call too.

“What if the other person refuses?” The question haunts you so much. Does it occur to you that may be the other person thinks the same way and if someone has to break ice, then why not you??

Go and do one thing today that scares you. It’s all about your fear mechanism stopping you to utilize your potential. Break that shackle, it’s only for domesticated pets and not for free flying eagles.

My mailbox is full of queries so kindly do me a favor. I have a Face book page http://www.facebook.com/ramamoondra.

Just write your fear and I will reply that personally too. Tomorrow on ways of overcoming fears. Be with me.

What is fear? Why it kills us within and damages our entire being. Why are some people so much in control of their lives and some of them are rolling stones on a riverbed with every wave.

I think, it comes from deep within. The first thing which rules is our childhood patterns. If you have seen your father or mother sacrificing always for others, chances are you doing the same with your family and loved ones but hating it within. This only makes you more frustrated inside and a timid looser outside.

So, what is going to work with you if you feel that you are stuck in a rut? If you feel that you are being wronged or being taken for granted? You would like to change the environment but feel helpless. Near and dear are the ones pushing you all the times? People have pile of expectations from you that can fail Mount Kilimanjaro but their giving resembles size of a caterpillar’ eyeballs.

Some of these people, we cannot change. May be the emotional blackmailers are your parents or wife or husband who are busy making you feel inadequate always for all the things that you have not achieved.

But some of them we sure can. I am starting a new series of four posts on working on fear mechanism.

Look forward to be with you again in this journey of self development for a happier YOU.

This is in continuation of yesterday’s post. I received three suggestions instantly. Cheryl who asked me to let it go, Vikrant asked me to write it and Rajan for doing temper howl. Temper-howl is a ritual at Atlanta gangbanger where everyone gathers and shouts at peak of their voice…It helps really. IIM has similar ritual known as Tempo Shout. I kind of exported that to Atlanta. I am taking a slice of Vikrant’s and writing it. It soothes me out and helps letting go anyways.

I am a firm believer in power of subconscious. That night sitting alone in prayer, I kept creating in my mind a happy and hale Steve waving goodbye at the airport. I also believe that god gives us signals or omens to identify a situation.

I was sitting through darkest and loneliest night so far I have seen, scared till death and a hand in sling with a terribly painful bandaged leg, I think I have never ever been more helpless in my life.

Reciting my prayers with closed eyes, I kept hoping for a sign from god. My faith on him is unshakeable. He is always around us especially when times are difficult. All you have to do is keep your attitude positive and do not curse anyone even if your own shadow has walked away.

Just when, I was almost choking up, someone touched my hand. I looked up; an old gentleman smiled at me, “Sweets? I have become grandfather.”

I accepted the sweet as Prasad that time. I knew life will blossom again. I had received god’s omen.  The old couple was angels in disguise. They sent me to hotel to be able to wash, change and come back. They asked someone to get tea for me from home and I felt a lot better when he kept his hands on head. “Have tea. Everything will be alright. Your friend will be back soon”. That’s what happened.

Just now I got a call from Steve and Rajan from Atlanta. “I am lucky to have a friend like you.” They both said the same thing.

I have heard it many times from others too but now it sounds like winning a medal. After all, god made sure my conviction remains intact. That night has given me a new insight about being a human. I have tried to be helping person always and this night strengthened my assent in helping. I pity those who are not able to aid or be seen as incapable. What a useless life it is.

So, I promise you god, I will never ever fail anyone who needs support. It’s so important to be human first and then anyone else.

It was another sleepless night. It’s been 24 days and I have not been able to sleep more than an hour or two. It’s putting me on a bad track physically and mentally.  Neha slept next to me and told me that I shiver even in deep sleep. I thought it will be alright but given to my snapshot memory, it has not faded even a hue lighter. My friends took me to same hotel of Udaipur so that I can associate with happy memory but just did not work. I realized it even more yester night after Radhika shared a room with me and kept awake. I try sleeping with great efforts and just when I slip in to dream-zone, I shiver by nightmares.

So, I need to vent out two more incidents of that fateful night of Udaipur hospital and maybe I will feel lighter. (Read a series of four posts starting from I,Me and Steve to Salt Water Lake)

My readers might find it repetitive or melancholic but I have written it for venting out my spleen so be with me on this part too.

That night I had to rush to arrange blood for Steve. Once I donated mine and one more person who was there incidentally and thankfully, I had to go out and check for donors. I was in same blood soaked clothes so my emergency was clearly reflecting. I got some auto driver to donate and was rushing back. Just then, lost my balance, fell straight and got hurt on my shoulder and leg. The auto guy tried to help only to feel my body and I had to thrash him for that. He left without donating blood using foul language.

Time was ticking fast. Hospital was not ready to help and I was hurt and broken by now. Sitting on the same place where I fell, I tried sitting straight in prayer. Sometimes only god can intervene.

Someone passing by helped me out getting up. I got a bandage done and then started my hunt for blood again. The snapshot memory of my running in blood-soaked clothes, the autowalla, my painful shoulder and hunt for blood is as fresh as yesterday.

Though everything is back in place and lives have moved on, my hurt shoulder,non cooperative hospital staff and misbehave of auto-driver still haunts.

Why are we as human race so self centered, so insensitive?  Why Hospitals look forward to emergencies as money making mechanism, why  a woman is just a  fleshy body and  taken for granted even in most gruesome situation?

Whats wrong with humanity in total?

One major difference between humans and other species is to be self aware. We need to know our strengths and then attach a value to it. We cannot depend on other’s approval of labeling us good or bad. The “certificate seeking” tendencies are too dangerous for our self esteem and emotional well being.

Judging and rejecting self is a painful process many people go through. It happens to lot of people who are in constant search of approval from others.

Well, rain check please…What may happen if for once, you are not a good son, good father, good husband, good employee, good boss and so on and so forth.

You think, everyone will reject you and move away from you if you do not fit their bill even once? Do you constantly try to make others happy? Are you a victim of saying “YES” always because others may feel bad if you say “NO”?

Take a pause, breathe and now think. People who cannot take NO from you, do they deserve your YES all the time?

To be able to say NO is a power. It sets you free from emotional guilt. The biggest emotional quotient is to be able to express yourself without feeling miserable.

Do not be a “Victim Identity”. No one can make you a victim without you being weak and vulnerable. To take all blame on self or to blame others all the time is pure self-defense. Not a good sign though.

So, if you think you suffer from “sense of wronged always”, time to take a break.

Just one formulae works well. Think yourself as a powerful person and recognize yourself as someone who has great self worth.

Visualize yourself in command of all the situations which bothers you and makes you weak. Speak up when you are scared to. Express yourself. Remember, you are the power. You are the creator of your world.

And when it comes to most difficult decision of letting go or hold on…Hold on to the relationship, let go the fear and grudge. Find someone to show you your reflections. It works even if sometimes you hate to see the truth.

To, the most “up in my face” relation of eleven years…Chief, this is for you for showing me my true reflections always.

Every human being needs three major support systems. Intellectual support, Emotional support and Logistics support.

We all get all three of them by and large but the quantity and quality mismatch exists here too. Let’s look a little deeper now.

Intellectual support comes from peers, sometimes bosses, mentors and if you are lucky then spouse too. This support works to keep us stimulated, feel challenged for new learning and prepare ourselves for achieving higher targets. It also comes from people who show us our true reflections.

Emotional support matters a lot in life. We get it from family, friends and sometimes strange undefined relationships. It keeps us motivated, appreciated, being wanted and going ahead in life. Break this support system and you can break the person itself. It is very important to get it in all walks of life else all achievements look tiny and can make a person lonely in crowd of millions.

Logistics support though may be easy to get, it has its own importance. We get it from better social network we develop, workplace relationships and even friends, family and acquaintances.

Met people who are very well networked? They are good in managing logistics support system along with good support of  emotions.Lack of any of these will make the individual suffer from lack of self-esteem and self worth.

So, how to develop them and keep ourselves going?

Find yourself good intellect company. They are plenty but one has to reach out. Social media has made life simpler to connect. Read, research and find yourself stimulants in good books as well.

Develop a good friendly network beyond workplace. Try getting people who do not look at you as mere good connection. Share a bit more. It is ok to be vulnerable at times. We are human and have all rights to be weak. Make friends and do not get too clingy. Strength comes from awareness of own emotions, not by using others emotions.

Help people. Remember, life is a Bank of Favors. Deposit today and redeem tomorrow. If you have not deposited a good deed, you cannot withdraw as well.  To get a good logistics support, it’s important to become helping hand first.

Last post tomorrow is on how to be personally strong and build a better emotional quotient

See you same place..here again..

“Ooops !  chilled with so much ice in it.” My response to cold coffee was impromptu by default. Rishi took an offence instantly. “Girls! You are sitting and ordering. Now that you are getting served on a platter, be thankful. By the way, cold coffee has to be cold naa? You want me to boil it?”

“Chill Rish!..It’s an observation and not complaint.”  My voice went unheard as he left the room grumbling.

I and Neha were discussing the difference between both.

Whenever someone gives us an opinion, the inferior part in us comes alive. So, it becomes a complaint even it is pure observation. Sometimes simple conversations become complicated.

How observations are perceived as complaint? My observation for my fitness trainer was that he spends more time on mobile while training me.

He felt offended and went clarifying how difficult things are at his end. This phase lasted for a week whenever he would train difficult exercises and comment, “Do well else you will feel that I am not teaching and only talking on phone.” I tried explaining but did not work.

Are you taking observations as complaints? Do you take a comment quietly without getting boiled up? I recently conducted a series of free lectures based on Vir Sanghvi’s Tycoons. I associated it with Entrepreneurship as well. It was really appreciated by people but one day someone came and commented that I should not cover Entrepreneurship at all. Salaried employees do not get anything from this good for nothing series, he said. A friend standing next to me asked why I did not react on such a mean and unappreciative comment.

“It was his observation and not a complaint. Its democratic country and we are free to opine based on what we see.” I said.

Once we learn that not all observations are complaints, our reaction will be less fierce. It will take stress out of our system and make us emotionally more powered.

Remember, the best response to a mocking person is not getting mocked. To an irritating situation is not getting irritated. Do not give your emotional keys to others. No one has a power to destroy you or make you feel lesser competent unless you let it happen.

No need to defend or offend everything under the sun. It’s not worth it.

Tomorrow we will talk about support systems.

Be there.

We all have three major ingredients in us as human beings. They remain Skill, Stamina and Temperament.

Ever watched French Open? Or our beloved religion Cricket? All players have skill and stamina but winners have temperament.

What is temperament? Pure, plain simple Attitude and Perception combination. (The dictionary definition might differ. I write what I deem correct.)

Why does it makes one win or loose? Well, this works very simply. The way we perceive anything decides our reaction to it. Perception backed by Attitude.

What makes our temperament fail? The first and foremost thing is our own Fear of Rejection. We all want to look good in other’s eyes and will do anything to live up to it. Since we are scared in being rejected, we create perceptions of loss very high. This makes one even more stressed out and finally one looses the game. Field does not matter, whichever and whatever.

The second important thing is sincerity to self and others. Simply put, do you call up someone you promised to call in the morning? Do you send those emails in committed time that you said, you will? Do you call up if delayed by ten minutes to a meeting?

I know, while reading this you are saying, it is just not so possible in corporate culture. Even if I do, nobody will do it so why me?

My question is why not you? Let us make a beginning to keep our words or let us not make too many assured deliveries. The temperament of winning begins with keeping our head high to everyone and not apologetic to failed assurances.

Would you be happy if the cricket player lost the delivery assured? Would you like if your organization fails to deliver your salary promised?  I can fill two pages of examples but that is not the idea here.

The first part of being emotionally strong is to be able to build winning temperament. That begins with keeping our words and handling rejections better.

Temperament has many more aspects but tomorrow we will discuss Observations and Complaints.

Be with me…as always.

“What keeps you going?” Vikrant has a way of asking questions and always difficult ones. Ashish asked me the same a few days ago but I could not reply that time as I really could not figure out “What?”

“How are you so positive and pleasant always? I have never seen you angry or irritated. You change your plans to match others. You care so much about people. You smile and everything seems right on a bad day…” I stopped him saying I will become more arrogant than ever if I keep hearing him.

But on a serious note, I sat down thinking about it. I personally term myself Superwoman. Working for long hours alone, keeping high patience with clients and participants, maintaining friends and a highly active business and social life keeps me on toes 24/7. (I am blessed with family who understands it so much.)

I have some reflections for sure. One of them is to be highly self- motivated. No one can reach high in life if one’s self-motivation is low. People around us are of two categories.  First is our confidence boosters and second category, which sucks it.

First category will appreciate and give you suggestions. Also try to boost you up when your morale is down.

Second category will pull you down even if you are doing well. Even Bill gates will not qualify because of “not great academics”. This category is constant fault-finder.

So what to do and how to get ahead? From this post, I am starting a series of four articles on emotional development and personal strength enhancement.

Be with me…as always.