Rama Moondra

A recent article in  The Economic Times attracted my attention. The ministry of company affairs wants companies with five or more director to have at least one woman director.

The case may be resting on grounds of gender equality and also social justice to an extent. (Not to mention all the justice missed in women atrocities cases.)

I wonder about two dimensions here. Our  country ( and the world too) is male dominated  and here women account  for less than 5% of board members in India, and these too, mainly from promoters families.

Is there a place for independent directors and will they be accepted as well in active role?

The second dimension is of selection of independent directors. Are there any qualifying criteria of Merit? If yes, then what will be that?

Promoter run companies believe in selecting directors from known circuit of family and close knit friends.  Retired bureaucrats and celebrities too fall in the same group.

And too top it all; will the independent director have her say?

It’s so important to get new, fresh diversity on board .As the famous bestseller, “The wisdom of crowds “mentions that diversity will bring quality. Diverse groups may generate differences but it also brings quality of judgments and variety of options related to it.

I am a firm believer that improving women’s stature in India will require much more work with reforms and not just amended laws.

So far professionalism of promoter run companies goes, will this law work and get better corporate governance?

I will let my readers reply that.

First look at Anu Narang and one gets an impression of meeting a savvy, beautiful career woman. I smiled and we connected instantly. She has a natural warmth and aura around her. Her best friend Anju was my aide throughout the conference and I and Anju became friends for lifetime in no time.

Anu doesn’t eat almost anything I felt and mentioned it to Anju. ,”Oh, she has undergone major surgeries. She had Cancer Malignancy second stage.” I gasped for breath. Saw Anu again, laughing loud she was busy conversing with some people. Life was just happening, once again.

It looked like normal acidity to begin with; Anu went for her first checkup and felt it was not necessary. The situation worsened on Valentine eve, she was checked again. Anu and husband Sandeep could figure out something serious the way doctors behaved. They were told that she had cancer of stomach on second stage. Even various Doctors were not too sure of results but surgery of live it or leave it was only remedy. First surgery, scooped out stomach lining and flesh, met with another infection. Second surgery, left Anu drained completely. Long healing process was woven with bouts of pain all over. Reeling under insurmountable pain, she fought on relentlessly.

Though she had her hubby Sandeep, supporting sister Viny and friends like Anju to fall back upon, what has kept her alive, breathtaking gorgeous and full of life is her own will power and fighting spirit.

Life is a constant struggle still. With no flap on stomach and no capacity to hold on food, she cannot eat beyond two bites, cannot lie down except one particular angle, bland two bites of food is her staple now and any amount of heavy exertion is out of question and that’s how life ahead is going to be.

“Whenever life gets tough, I will remember you Anu,” I hugged her before leaving.

May I request my readers to include a little prayer today for this bright smile to keep it as it is..

This post is for Anu..This post is for faith, hope and life once again.

Though I am used to stranger’s voices on phone, I draw a mental picture (Sometime caricature) of the person I am listening to.

So, when I heard a strange voice which had a surprising humming tone with husky tint, I kind of freaked in delight of it.

“My name is Ravi Bhalla.” He booked an appointment and an otherwise relaxed Saturday morning felt heavy and choked with his moist eyes despite the openness of Coffee shop of a three star hotel.

Ravi is still regretting a lost love. “My story may not have anything dramatic or painful even but please write it. I know a lot of people who read your blog and my lost love is a big fan of yours. May be she reads it too.”

“I have my commitments alive and kicking me every day. I have a family and very similar to your last story’s BD, have great career and academics. But a part of me is so incomplete. She gave me the care I wanted. Someone to accept me the way I am.” The story went on of remorse guilt but I won’t write all that predictable stuff here.

My surprise quotient is high this moment. I have had a friend who changed his girlfriends every six months. He taught me that “A man’s heart is too big for one woman alone.” Though I laughed it off always, somewhere my question is popping and disturbing time and again.

“What is it which marriage answers for men? Is it just “Lust, laundry and loneliness” cure?  As one of my friends (married for 18 years) says, “It’s the most over rated institution we have.”

My reader Tapas tells me his reason to get married. “To me it’s important to have a clan.” Some more phone calls confirmed the reason of children to be together and wife is someone one gets used to.

Today I let my readers answer it for me.

I am single (though have been lucky to see the best and the worst of men). So, my opinion does not count at all today.

Cliff Richard’s song “Bachelor Boys “is dedicated to all lovely married men who are reading it just now.

Though I was due to write something else, I chose to write about being an entrepreneur and the road which still is paved with painful pebbles hurting my feet but keeps my head in clouds.

One sure thing which happens with being on your own is it brings amazing amount of discipline in one’s life. One becomes responsible and answerable to all that one does. My otherwise bohemian lifestyle came to almost halt when I took up a career in training and consulting.

My new client Aniket and I struck a chord instantly having a lot more common other than alumni. We talked about life a lot and all of sudden he asked, “What do you miss most in your life?” I stood silent, forgot to sip my coffee and tried reflecting back.

Well, as a single woman entrepreneur, I have a picture perfect life. Enviable career, amazingly supporting family, great social network and friends to die for…I don’t think, god could have been kinder. So, what do I miss? I came back home, pondered over and suddenly got the reflection.

I miss sharing happiness and little successes of day to day life. A session well done, topping the charts of a group of business networking site, having a new outfit to show off, getting A+ feedback in trainings, having turnaround of a loss making unit and seeing its success..

As a consultant, it all goes to people who I coach to be successful and as a trainer, to participants for being great learners. It all sounds routine for me but sometimes I long to call someone and say, I did really well today and get a pat.

May be one more thing freelancing coached me is to remain self –motivated. Without that, l don’t think, any entrepreneur can survive.

So, if ever a feeling of taking entrepreneurship strikes you, just fill yourself with tremendous amount of will power and to be self motivated despite all odds, shut it and forget it.

I have been a firm believer that life grants us everything what we deserve.  It is up to us to take it or let it go.

We pray to get an understanding friend, get that person and become too afraid of losing out.Someone recently bared his soul for me.  Working for a large conglomerate, he preferred to keep his identity hidden. My heart goes out to such readers as it is difficult to live life to fullest and even more difficult to let go.

Life has offered him the best. Great career, good family, excellent academics, social reputation, anything that a person can dream of. But his sensitive soul is still thirsty.

The career became way too demanding and so family responsibilities , nagging everywhere started making him way too quiet from within.Longing for a person, who would not see him as mere  professional encashable connect,he moved on in life just as it came.

One fine evening, he just tumbled upon a stranger, someone who became instant connect, rescue and soul quencher. The relationship is pure and soulful, he mentioned.

So far, it was  dream comes true for him. But fear rules more than hopes do.A person slowly becomes so scared of getting happiness that one starts sending it away oneself. More believing that one does not deserve it.

He decided to let go of life once again. Not sure, what to pick up he is reeling under his happiness and blaming himself for hurting the other person as well.

Not many people realize that they are responsible only for their deeds. No one can control or take charge of any other life, even which is connected to you by blood or by social tags. Sometimes, it’s so important to choose to listen to your heart.

I would  walk a thousand miles on bare snow with chilblain, sore feet to get a person who I can do anything to retain,  and once in a while, when we get a person like this, we get so overwhelmed that in anticipation of wrong, we do kill ourselves  by  shooting in the foot.

Long ago Mr.Nirmal Varma had written, “If somebody is very thirsty, he may not even realize to drink water because he has never known what does quenched thirst feels like.”

To a dedicated reader BD, for all the happiness he deserves, with a silent prayer … I remain bowed to lord almighty to grant him whatever he wishes for.

( I just write what I get from life and from my readers ..a plain narrator and not advocating anything against or for.)

This is a controversial post and I expect lot of fireworks from my readers despite its Holi.  I am just a narrator today and as I firmly believe, right and wrong are  perceptive and person specific. Please read ” Dead Eyes Open” for background of this write up.

“My name is Ragini Saxena.” The woman on phone sounded choked and muffed, at least the voice. A second later I knew why…” I am Rahul’s stepmother. I read your blogs recently and have to tell you my side of story. You have done it with Bhagat’s. I need a hearing too.”

She took a break from her ongoing painting exhibition in another city and my door bell rang at 7 am next day. A good-looking woman in her late thirties, Ragini sure is impressive.

After a little exchange of pleasantries and ginger tea, she got talking.  I sat spellbound and a little jittery (I admit) listening to her.

Ragini became trophy wife to her rich, high society husband Mr. A. Saxena who is fifteen years elder to her. It took two days to discover his impotency. Ragini was shell-shocked.” Why marry?” and the reply cut her through veins. Her blood froze when she heard her husband telling her..”Live life, Even Rahul’s mom did. I have no idea who Rahul’s father is. But he is my son. Spend, go out and have fun.” The values Ragini had for marriage soon started shattering.

Lonely and bitter, she took up painting and that’s where her closeness to her father in law started. “I know, it’s immoral in society norms but what happened to me is far more immoral. Do you know Rahul’ mom committed suicide.”

“I just beg you to write this. As a woman and that too single, you should do justice to another woman’s story. I know I could have chosen anyone but then the society we are in will not let me live. Believe me, connect happens with anyone specially when you are deprived and cheated”

I stood to bid her goodbye. Tears choked her face and voice as well. “Thanks, after a long time, I am feeling better.”

While I am writing this down, somewhere deep inside the value oriented woman in me shrieks but the non judgmental counselor is the winner.

To, my brother from another mother, Yogesh Maheshwari, who insisted on this writing reminding me once again, we are no one to judge anyone’s life.

Life happens to you when you are busy planning about it. Once we recognize what it is we are feeling, once we recognize we can feel deeply, love deeply, can feel joy, then we will demand that all parts of our lives produce that kind of joy.

To be  happy  is probably most difficult thing for many. Life gives us in abundance but we just miss seeing that. We are too tied up picking pebbles of materialistic comparisons next to ocean of life.

On a street of Mumbai, on a traffic signal , with sun setting and splashing the sky  with magenta color ….I saw life happening and happy, flowing through smiles and breaking the boundaries of joy. Ohh…please don’t get me wrong. It was not a bunch of skimpily dressed up girls, neither a bashful of handsome hunks planning to paint streets of Mumbai red on a Saturday night.

They were children of a lesser god. Four children, actually flower sellers, laughing out loud. One of them was enacting a story, how she was proposed by someone. The others were in a laugh riot.

Not enough to wear ,may not have a place to call home, no luxuries to fathom, no career  plans or no future promises to look forward to….they were just happy.

I am sure they know the secret of happiness. They live one day at a time. It’s just today we all have. But we are burning candle from both ends to figure out a meaningless race to stay ahead even when we are only competing ourselves.

My favorite quote always is,” This too will pass.” It really does. Change is only permanent feature of life. So, why not laugh it out and make the most of it every day.Who knows, if there is any tomorrow at all?

To, Deepak Parihaar..whose sensitivity inspired this write up.

Prithvi theatre is my Mecca in Mumbai. So, this time once again, I went to see a play all alone . “Is someone sitting here”? I looked up. Young woman in her twenties smiled at me. “Be my guest.” I smiled and we both talked about  how chilled Prithvi’s temperature was. “You can share it with me.” My neighbor took out a unstitched piece of cloth and we wrapped it around us. The warmth got us talking till the play began and a hot tea hosted by her brought a lot more warmth in just clicked friendship. Janki Dayalan, working with Logistics Company in Mumbai, originally from Banglore, caught my attention.

I asked her out for dinner after play and over pasta and bruchetta,we got talking. Women have come a long way I believe. Young , urban professional women have learned a lot and staying alone and singledom  has matured them.” it feels like a set of new wings.” Janki said. I smiled. True..We learn to manage life by ourselves.”Right from PMS to paying our bills on time.” Janki  feels. “And learn to carry ourselves with crying all night burying face in pillow, get up and portray as if nothing has  happened. ” I expressed.

Sitting across her, sharing our worlds made me realize how singledom and being alone has changed a lot of women like me. We cannot take NO for an answer ,(well, most of the time) .We grow out of failures much faster and people coming in and going out is a part of single status, especially when one is in a different city and away from family.

“Is you family okay with you staying all alone in a strange city?” “Yeah  …kinda . I can take good care of myself, they know that,. Six and half years and I did not get pregnant” She cracked her sides laughing.” Me neither..” I said. Loud laughter filled Little Italy with our high five. We hugged and parted to meet next time.

“SASHA” that’s the term for us. Single.Attractive,Smart,Honest,Affluent. Today’s single women are me and Janki genre despite the gap in age .

Though my readers include big number of men, this is sheer expression of womanhood for them.

To, a religious reader and “single in the city ” man..Pranav Priyadarsh who feels its alone and not lonely.

Meera Choudhary is just any other woman. No one notices her ever.

How possibly one could when everyone is busy getting their boarding passes stamped and leave for flight.

Meera is security woman on Mumbai airport.  Unlike normal day, Sunday evening is slightly better at departure terminal of Mumbai. I did not have queue behind me so could wait to hear the song Mira hummed. A very sweet melodious voice filled the small cubicle she stood in with closed eyes.

Suddenly she looked at me, gave embarrassed smile and I walked in.” Please sing it again. It was beautiful” I said. Her face lit up. “Very rare to get a chance like this. If you come morning 3.30 to 10 am I do not get a bathroom break even. And women fight to go ahead, shout and I got to be polite too.”

All in a single breath and she kept talking. “I have a major health issue because of long hours of standing.” I nodded. “Thanks madam”. She kept smiling.” Not many people think we are humans.”

I stood quietly smiling and hearing her for another minute.

The jet setting life has left us really insensitive. We are too busy to be nice to small happenings. May be next time when you are at the security check, just smile at the person who stamps your boarding.

Long ago I read somewhere; people in sand dessert wear very bright colored clothes to add color to otherwise monotonous sand hue. May be a little smile or thanks from you breaks someone’s monotony and makes it brighter for both.

I moved on but turned back to see her. Once again the smile flashed. I smiled too.

Famous calypso singer Harry Belafonte sang for smile like this… I believe.

“Every night when the sun goes down
Hang my head and mournful cry

Someday I pray my train will come,
Then I can go back where I come from”